This comes rather belated, but then again, better late than never. I’m not a terribly huge fan of setting resolutions, but reflections are important in my opinion, because it lets you realise how much you’ve grown and developed in the span of one year. In my opinion, the recurring theme or thread through 2014 was self-discovery.
Slipping into my Singaporean Skin
2014 was the year when I finally felt like I settled into Singapore again. I still suffer from withdrawal pangs sometimes and a certain wistfulness when I think of Australia. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away. But for the most part, I’m proud and happy to call Singapore home once again. I daresay that there are much worse places to call home.
First Major Solo Trip
Certainly, I went to Sydney by myself in June 2013. However, being alone in Italy for the entire month of June 2014 was… freeing. It was waking up in the mornings, knowing that I myself was responsible for finding things to make my day and knowing I can depend on myself to solve any problems to crop up. It was lying by myself in a beach filled with hundreds of strangers, at peace with the world. It was swimming in the Ligurian sea, despite being half afraid that a riptide would carry me away. It was hand gestures and miming at times, when the language barrier proved insurmountable. It was helpful people going out of their way to help you when they felt you needed assistance with your luggage.
It was everything I hoped it would be, and more. For that reason, Italy will always have a part of my heart. Language barrier? Check. 10,000+km away? Check. First major solo trip? Check.
I became accepting of failure and more resilient
Previously when I began to hate what I did, I dropped into a blue almost depression-like state. This time, I didn’t hate what I was doing but I disliked the environment and situation I was thrown in. Despite it all, and despite the different circumstances, I still did my best (and in fact, did improve at the end of it all) – but it still wasn’t enough. However, I learnt to take things in my stride and just keep going on. Because no one’s going to save you unless you’re willing to save yourself – that’s what I found out for myself.
Like EliteDaily espouses, sometimes some people need to be divorced from your life. I guess I realised that I have several toxic friends. The ones that you hang out with because s/he is part of your extended group, but you realise that it makes you a hypocrite, because being with them drains you and you do not actually enjoy their company. So I’ve actually made an effort to cut them loose, in spite of the fact that it makes me feel bad.
At the same time, I found a bunch of good friends – Abel, Alishia, Ali, Jon, Loki, my girlfriends at NIE, Phoebe – all of which I know I can rely on if I need someone to talk to.
Last but not least, I think I became more grateful for things around me this year. I hope that has made me a more appreciative person – I know it has definitely made me a happier person.
I also know I’ve done a lot of silly stuff in 2014 – especially after I came back from my Italian trip up till my birthday. I decided that this would be the time to find someone – and I became a serial dater. Up till I realised how silly it was, and started slowing down. And when I least expected it, someone in the background became a major contender for my heart. I don’t think I would have given him the chance if I wasn’t able to accept my shortcomings and kept chasing love for the sake of being with someone that I perceive as my ideal. But now, I can’t imagine my life without him and sometimes it scares me. But it’s something I hope I will come to accept in 2015. With that, come at me 2015 – let the good times roll!